i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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