I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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