Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
