I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
