hotel room ftw
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
