i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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