Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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