If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
