Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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