FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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