I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
