she takes plan B like it's going out of style
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
