someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
