when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
