yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
