no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
