my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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