How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
