Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
