She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
