i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
