I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
