He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
