very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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