why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
