Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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