break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
