guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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