yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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