i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
