He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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