Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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