Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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