I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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