Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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