you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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