but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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