U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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