You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
