My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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