I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
