I wish I could teleport
from now on my penis is your penis
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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