I cannot find my penis.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
