I wanna passion pit in your ass
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
