Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
