dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
