people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
