i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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