I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
