she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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