I want to have your abortion
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
