What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
