I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
