I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
