I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
