A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
