In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
