i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
