We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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