there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
