i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
