o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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