it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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