Someone shit on the floor
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
