My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
