even my farts smell like vagina
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Houston, we have a blender
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
