Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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